How Do I Discover My Personal Values?
Written by Gabby Entz, AMFT
Therapist at Color Me Therapy
What are Values?
Values are the foundation of who you are as a person. In short, values are the basic ideas that you think are important and that are woven into the decisions you make.
Values are like the funnel that your thoughts,
feelings, and actions go through. They can be
a number of things like status, wealth, loyalty, honesty, or independence, just as a few examples.
Why are they important?
Whether you realize it or not, values are guiding the decisions you make and the relationships you have. If you don’t know your values, then it becomes much more difficult to make intentional choices that you want, and people can even impose their own values on you without you knowing it–unless you have a solid understanding of what you accept as a value.
How do I Learn My Values?
You can use the worksheet I created to help you identify your top values, or you can easily search for a values list on any search engine online. There are a few helpful ways to determine the values you have:
What values speak to you?
What things rub you the wrong way?
Eliminating values you know are not important to you
Noticing values of people you admire and respect
What values do you want?
Looking at a list, like the worksheet I created, can help you start examining and narrowing down key values that jump out at you.
For example, you might read over the list and see “honesty”, “trust”, and “family” as really important. Maybe you even think, “doesn’t everyone think those are the most important things?”... This helps you start recognizing the values that are most important to you.
What things rub you the wrong way?
Another way to approach it is to think about situations in your life that have hurt you, got you fired up, or have been disappointing. Then think back to these situations and see if any of the values on the list stand out that were NOT being met.
For example, let’s say someone told a secret that you hoped they would keep and they broke your trust. This would help you recognize that trust is a really important value to you. So you can use the negative experience to reveal what value was not being shown that you wish was being shown.
Eliminating values you know are not important to you
You can also go through the list and notice which values stand out as unimportant to you. Maybe a thought runs through your mind like “why would anyone think that was important?”... Or “I don’t know why that would even be on this list…” These kinds of thoughts can help you eliminate values that you don’t prioritize.
Noticing values of people you admire and respect
If you’re still finding it hard to narrow down your values, you can also start thinking of people you admire and respect and the value that they are living out. You could even ask them what they would say their values are. This can be helpful, especially if you are hoping to grow and shape your values into something different.
Using Values in the Real World
It is important to stay curious about yourself and others when examining values, because we all have different perspectives and ways of viewing the world around us and what is important.
Knowing that people’s choices are shaped by their values can be a helpful way to de-personalize situations, step back, and recognize that what this person is doing or saying may be coming from a value that is different from mine.
This doesn’t make it wrong or less important than your value, it simply can mean that they have a very different way of viewing something than you. This can be helpful in nearly every setting you find yourself in: work, friendships, romantic partnerships, and even parenting.
Value Alignment
Knowing your values can help you make decisions that align with the way you want to live your life. They can help you determine if a new job is worth taking, or a relationship is going to last. When your values align with your goals, you will feel your life begin shifting towards harmony.
So, are you ready to discover and align your values with your goals?
Need a Guide?
You’re not alone in learning what your values are and aligning your life. Sometimes we need a little extra support to get us living the life we want to live.
You can reach out for more in depth support from Color Me Therapy and we’ll support you on your change journey together. Learn more about our individual therapy services or explore couples therapy at Color Me Therapy.
Schedule a free consultation today.
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment.
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