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The art of communication is the most difficult form of art to master. To be honest, it’s the most difficult art to practice. But we all need it. We all desire the purest form of it. Yet, we misuse it—time and time again. Not on purpose of course, but we do misuse communication because the root possibly reveals the vulnerabilities and insecurities of your heart.
Who wants to let their partner know the frustration felt when the kitchen cabinet door is left opened—especially if it continues to be left opened? Or, when a friend continues to cut them off in a middle of a conversation to insert an example of themselves. How about when a life-altering event takes place and the response is met with, “it’s part of life, get over it”?
Here's the thing: whether we see it or not, we unknowingly communicate something to the next person and vice versa.
What if I told you:
The spouse who is upset and gives the silent treatment is really feeling unheard and invisible. Communicating that would mean allowing yourself to see their heart in what may be an emotional unsafe relationship.
What about the friend? The friend who feels like whenever she speaks the conversation is intercepted. What if her isolation and silence is a result of feeling not valued, a feeling he/she felt in so many other relationships?
That life-altering event a person experiences is met with the well-intentioned person's choice to encourage by limiting the emotions expressed. It’s only because emotions continue to be a road avoided at all cost for them.
No wonder there seems to be a communication problem!
The problem isn’t the usage of words. The problem is that your choice of words are NOT expressing the major offenses to the heart. So, yes! You aren’t communicating. You are just talking. Talking with the hopes to be finally heard. But the words that you want heard are what we protect. It is really your heart. However, there is too much risk, but perhaps that’s where deeper connection can be experienced. But I get it, risk is too great of a risk when the heart is too fragile of a piece to just be handed to a person who have shown their mishandle of your heart.
So what is typically done, is what you’ve seen growing up:
Sarcasm
Sarcasm is defined as a “sneering or cutting remark.” It comes from the Greek word, which means “to tear flesh.” Sarcasm is harsh cutting, or bitter derision, often using irony out the deficiencies or failings of someone or something. It’s the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.
Sarcasm can be a cover for insecurities, latent anger, and/or social awkwardness.
What if you just communicate how you really feel? Sarcasm can cause more harm and push you further away than closer.
Passive Aggressive
Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. The disconnect happens when what you are communicating and what you are doing doesn’t match. Passive aggressive only further communicates something is wrong and subsequently pushes the person away.
You may say/do things like:
“I’m fine.” But you are silent.
You avoid the situation or person who has caused the offense.
Sarcasm to convey a message of your contempt (see the above)
Anger/Yelling
Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.
Anger is easier to feel, and it distracts you from what you are really feeling vulnerable and insecure about. Ultimately it keeps you from feeling what you need to feel, which is the pain inside. Anger is typically the triggering of emotions like frustration, which taps into how the spouse felt towards the partner about the opened cabinets. They felt helpless and out of control, or out of control.
What you failed to realize was that you are communicating something. You are communicating fear, despair, lack of trust, brokenness and other emotions. To go deeper means to really be vulnerable. This happens when individuals work to build secure relationships and communicate the language of the HEART.
When this is achieved, the art of communication is mastered and is beautiful.
I have built Color Me Therapy on this very knowledge--the art of communicating the messages of the heart.
Are you ready to start learning your heart messages?
Are you a couple who have been having communication problems?
Are you an individual who have been feeling invisible and finds it easier to isolate? Or, even better—are you living by the statement “I don’t need anyone.”
Book your next consultation TODAY. I’ve been waiting to meet with you!
Upcoming February Workshops
I am officially an AUTHOR! I wrote a book!
Dating is Trash: A Single’s Woman journey to Finding love while FINDING God’s LOVE-- Upcoming Book Launch (Location TBA)
Book going LIVE February 7th! On Amazon!
Join me this Galentine’s Day (Virtual Date)
Monday, February 13th at 7pm to tend to the needs of your heart.
Tickets can be purchased on Eventbrite today! Space is Limited!
This is a 2hr VIRTUAL EVENT that is like no other. If you haven’t been to one of Color Me Therapy Session, just hear some of the testimonials of how life changing it is. This session, we will be focusing on the heart. What is depleting your heart? Let’s really talk about it all during this session. So get your favorite GALfriend and register via Eventbrite Today.
Need me to be a Guest at your next Conference/Workshop/Seminar
Send me an email Staceyb@colormetherapyll.com